Strikeout Fishing at the Dome

Bert Blyleven: Oh, there's 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-16-17-18-19 strikeouts on the scoreboard. Okay, everybody now!

Everyone: Oh, there's 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-16-17-18-19 strikeouts on the scoreboard and they're comin' comin' comin', comin' comin' comin'.

Bert Blyleven: Mighty fine, good buddy, let's win this game now! Oh there's 19-18-17-16-15-14-13-12-11-10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 strikeouts on the scoreboard.

Dick Bremer: Okay, now let's go and count just the even numbered strikeouts. Oh, there's 2-4-6-8-10-12-14-16-18-19 strikeouts on the scoreboard. And they're comin' comin' comin', comin' comin' comin'.

Bert Blyleven: Sounds like you might have a record...I don't know.

Dick Bremer: Okay, since you're so smart, why don't you try counting in Roman numerals?

Bert Blyleven: Okay, I will. Oh, there's I-II-III-IV-V-VI-VII-VIII-IX-X-XI-XII-XIII-XIV-XV-XVI-XVII-XVIII-XIX strikeouts on the board and they're comin' comin' comin', comin' comin' comin'. Top that, will you!

Dick Bremer: I will now attempt to divide the strikeouts of the big game by pi. Oh, there's 3.141425679...11...million strikeouts on the scoreboard and they're comin' comin' comin', comin' comin' comin'...

Uh.

The words of Gameday sum up the abnormality of the game...

"Defensive Substitution: Nick Punto replaces first baseman Justin Morneau."

Ignorance

The two best quotes from the people behind us at the game:

#1 - "Why do people keep turning their hats inside out!? Is it some new fad or something?"

#2 - (after a broken bat) "OH MY GOSH! Did he just throw his bat out onto the field!?"

The Late Innings

In the late innings, I pulled out my phone to check the time. As Brian Buscher rounded first, I turned to my dad and said, "If we want to win this game, we need some Punto action. He ought to run for Buscher." And within milliseconds, Punto was trotting on the field. You just thought I was checking the time on my phone. Really, I was making a quick call to the dugout and my good friends Terry Ryan and Ron Jardinero.

The day we're waiting for

Come one, come all!
Leave your errors passed balls
Hit the pitches over the walls
Come one, come all!
Do well and do not fall
It's the day to make the call
Come and join the game of...

TWINS!

Once a year we win some games here
Once a year we turn the Dome upside down
Every batter's a king, every opponent's a clown
Once again it's Topsy Turvy Twins!

It's the day the hitter in us gets released!
It's a day we mock the foes and become a beast!
Ev'rything is topsy turvy at the Game of Champs!

Topsy turvy!
Everything is upsy daisy!
Topsy turvy!
Everyone is playing crazy!

Garza's gold and hits will suffice
That's the way on Topsy Turvy Day!

Topsy turvy!
Beat the Indians and hit them balls!
Topsy turvy!
Join the ranks and never stall!

Scurvy Indians are extra scurvy!
On the third of "Augustervy"
All because it's Topsy Turvy Day!

Come Twins, come team!
Hurry here's your chance
See the balls and the bats
Come one, come all!
See the finest pitcher in a trance!
Make an entrance to entrance!
Dance the Matt Garza Dance!

Here it is, the moment you've been waiting for
Here it is, you know exactly what's in store
Now it's the time we hit until our bats get sore
Now it's the time we crown the Wild Card Kings!

So make a play that's wonderful and frightening
Make a play as smooth as an eagle's wing
For the team taht's best will be the Wild Card Kings!
Why?

Topsy turvy!
Bad players, forget your mistakes!
Topsy turvy!
You could soon be what it takes!

Put your best players on display
Be the kings of Topsy Turvy Day!

Ev'rybody!
Once a year we win some games here
Once a year we turn the Dome upside down
Every batter's a king, every opponent's a clown
Once again it's Topsy Turvy Twins!

Once a year, the best will wear a crown
Boys, hit some nice ones
Once a year on Topsy Turvy Day
We've never had kings with these guns

And it's the day we do the things that we adore
On the other three hundred and sixty-four
Once a year we love to stop in
Where the hitting is never stopping
For the chance to just plain win
And pick the kings who'll put the "top in Topsy Turvy Day!

Mad and crazy, upsy-daisy, Topsy Turvy Day!

Oops

Lo siento, the blog has temporarily passed away due to a series of unfortunate events.

On the other hand, Joe Mauer is a superhero.
Even Baby Bartlett isn't too bad.

Away

Yours truly will be on vacation over the next week or so.
Updates may be sparse.
Hold your horses.
The Twins will still reign.

Unedited Stream of Consciousness

...thoughts...
What a day.
Punto’s batting average, according to Dick Bremer, bottomed out yesterday. Alas, he’s climbing out of the deep dark bottomless pit we all thought he was in.
Red Dawg is engaging in some Ultimate Baseball.
Poor Mauer.
Morneau must have had tater tots for dinner…because it’s a slugfest now!
Torii started feeling bad. Knowing there wasn’t much hope with Garza batting, he decided just to hit one out , too.
And JASON KUBEL shaved. He doesn’t look like Jack Black any more.
Could today get any more weird?
“Pardon me, are these the White Sox, or the White Sux?”

...play by play...
Morneau 3-run jack.
Red Dawg makes a great play.
Red Dawg pummeled by Thome’s bat.
Red Dawg out of the game.
Joe Mauer catches (after a 4 hour afternoon game).
Matt Garza bats.
Morneau solo tater.
Torii solo bomb.
Cuddles solo boom.
HAT TRICK.
Fan interception but a called out.
Bases loaded again.
Cirillo…no, just…no.
Bases loaded still: to bat - the batting dangers of the Twins…Jeff Cirillo and Nicky Punto

...amazingness...
Surreal.
Today is Heaven.
It is also the longest day in the history of baseball.

A Sad (but true) Story

Little Kevin Slowpoke of the Minnesota Twins, like so many boys his age, dreams of what lies over the ballpark fence. One day a Yankee hits the ball and carries him away over the fence to another world. Come join Slowpoke, Carmen California, the Twins, the Yankees, and AAA Rochester as they travel the universe of baseball.

The original cast recording of The Game From Hell includes the songs Over The Fence, Munchkinland (Ding Dong! Nicky Punto's Alive), If I Only Had A Hit, If I Only Had A Run, If I Only Had A Win , We're Off To See The Wild Card (Follow The Road Trip Schedule), The Jitterbug, and The Merry Old Land of the Bronx.

A storybook opens to depict little Slowey on the mezmerizing New York skyline, when suddenly a ball comes up, turns his world to the bases loaded, and he lands on the mound, which promptly throws him off. His friend Carmen California finds his way to the Major Leagues, so Jardinero oils him up and accompanies him. They watch Slowpoke meander off the mound before being ushered into AAA Rochester by singing suits of Red Wings and a lavish parade of minor leagers before meeting the scouts, devious little men who transform prospects into uncontrollable stars, much to Slowpoke’s dismay. Finally, Pokey realizes he is at home in AAA and that he can turn the game over to Surfer Dude Cali to ensure eternal happiness for the Twins.

Yankee Stadium At Large

Due to a series of unfortunate event, I was only able to watch the 1st through 4th innings of the game. Though, after reviewing the recap, it seems this is a good thing.

I turned the TV to channel 30, and I was aghast to see the Twins ahead, 2-1. However, it didn’t stay pleasant for long.

Not only was Slowey especially slow, he took his time dealing out plenty of easy scoring opportunities. Seeing Terry Ryan run to the mound in the 2nd was like nailing Jello to the wall. Evidently Slowey felt the same way. He managed to pitch, get this, all the way through part of the fourth inning.

Later in the 2nd inning, with 2 men on and the game tied, I decided to start ironing. When Cabrera hit a 3-run jack, I restrained from throwing the iron directly at the television. When I saw Ortiz in the bullpen, I was no longer full of anger towards the Hated Yankees. Rather, my poor little heart was full of sorrow. Fortunately, I was pleasantly surprised.

The Yankees defense turned from quick to slow-ey. The Yankees essentially obliterated their own defense. The Twins broke it open. Piranha action, you say? No, this was just good ball playing - a concept new to the Twins in the Bronx.

Igawa came in to pitch the 5th wearing his sunglasses and thinking, “I’m SO better than you. Score’s 5-2, and you think Slowey is a Major League pitcher!? Ha. Little did he know that pitching with your mouth hanging open never leads to good things. Igawa, if you think you’re big stuff, you’ve got a lot to learn.

The only good part of the game started out with Cirillo’s over-the-fence double, and ended with Cuddles’ pop out. In between consisted of a coaching visit to the mound, Nicky Boy walking (rather, running to 1st base), Baby B doubling (thanks to a dumb field play)… Only God knows what was happening in the field. But alas, the score somehow climbed to 5-5.

The rest of the game? Let’s not think about that. At least Little Nicky redeemed himself with his first hit in what, a thousand at bats?